My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
