we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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