nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
