Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
