Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
