I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
