Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
