I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize