he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
