I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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