dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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