cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
