I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
