I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
