So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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