I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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