oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize