Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
