Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
