After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
