5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
