As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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