just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
