I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
