i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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