Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want a musical about memes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
