I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
