If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
