Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
