grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
