There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
