I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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