I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
