i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
