he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
