I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
