I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
