I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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