..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
