we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
