I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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