Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
