oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We need to rekindle our bromance
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
