Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
