the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize