Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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