i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
