Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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