Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
