I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
