He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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