I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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