from now on my penis is your penis
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
