the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
