Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
