dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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