My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
