first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
