Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize