i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm like, not good at living.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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