For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
