Just fell off a train. Bad.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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