i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
