Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You smell like stripper and shame
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
