Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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