Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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