can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
