Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize