It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
