Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
