Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
