i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
