so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
