They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
