My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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