Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
