he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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