Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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