Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
