I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
