maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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