apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
