just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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