my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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