you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
