now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
