The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
