i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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