new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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