The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
