you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize