some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
