I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
