where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
