I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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