If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
