That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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