i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
