I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
